Reddit Forever Alone Dating
Maybe it’s hookup culture. Maybe it’s that people are getting married later in life. Or maybe it’s that people struggle to meet potential partners in person nowadays.
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The number of young Americans who are single has reached its peak since at least the 1980s — it’s now more than half, according to a study released this week — and has drastically increased in the last 15 years.
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That’s according to data from a General Social Survey released this week. In 2018, 51 percent of Americans ages 18 to 34 said they didn’t have a “steady partner,' up from 33 percent in 2004. The figure was 35 percent in 1986, the first year the question was asked as part of the survey.
Among the same age group, 28 percent of respondents said they were married, down from 39 percent in 2004 and 48 percent in 1986. The data were compiled by researchers at the University of Chicago who conducted in-person interviews with a random sample of more than 2,000 adults.
The data may seem counter-intuitive at a time when dating feels more accessible than ever as a result of the proliferation of apps. In 2017, four in 10 singles had met their most recent first date on the internet, more than those who met “through a friend” or “at a bar” combined, according to results from the Singles in America survey, a Match.com-sponsored survey of 5,000 people nationwide.
But the relative speed of finding a potential partner right at your fingertips apparently hasn’t translated to a higher overall percentage of young people in committed relationships. In fact, the data may illustrate that a greater number of people have multiple love interests, none of whom is a “steady partner.”
Thomas Edwards Jr., a dating coach and founder of the Professional Wingman, said the accessibility of a potential partner provided by the dating apps and seemingly infinite swiping tends to be something people take for granted.
“Access is so rampant,” he said, “and so it makes us feel like, ‘Well, I have access to potential partners at my fingertips, I don’t need to do so much, because the access will always be there.’ So we fall into this state of complacency.”
There are a few other trends at work. One is that people are getting married later in life (and women are having fewer children and later in their lives). In 2018, the median age for a first marriage was 27.8 for women and 29.8 for men, about four years older than the median ages in 1986, which were 23.1 for women and 25.7 for men, according to U.S. Census Bureau data.
The major reasons Americans cited for not being married was that they either hadn’t found the “right person” or weren’t financially stable, according to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in 2017 among nearly 5,000 U.S. adults. Among the adults surveyed who had never been married but were open to the possibility, about six in 10 said a major reason was that they “have not found the right person.”
Forever Alone Men
Among young people ages 18 to 29, about half said not being financially stable was a major reason they weren’t married. Studies show more young people are electing to live at home while saving cash as home prices, rent costs, and student loan debt are rising at a faster rate than income.
Edwards said he often works with clients who live at home or don’t have a steady career and see that as a reason to avoid pursuing a relationship.
“It’s the new comfort zone,” he said. “Working and creating financial stability and being into yourself is the new comfort zone, whereas putting yourself out there and seeking connection with the risk of rejection is something people don’t want to do.”
While Reddit has proved itself as a great source of viral news and received deserved praise for its coverage of the Aurora shootings, a recent thread posited a question about where women fit in in the site. It's already yielded over 1,700 responses — some genuinely awful especially those towards the bottom of the thread, and some which actually made us think about Reddit's male-driven culture and how women factor into it.
Foreveralonedating Reddit
As people mention in the thread, Redditors are mainly guys. According to Google's Doubleclick Ad Planner the site's U.S. users are 66 percent male, and its skew towards dudes has been discussed outside the site. The blog Geek Feminism took on the subject in 2009. In December, Daily Dot wrote that asking whether Reddit is sexist 'hardly seems worth an argument' because the answer is so obvious: 'it is.' Jezebel headlined a story in April as 'Reddit Is Officially the Worst Possible Place for Rape Victims to Seek Advice.' That same month, the site Man Boobz — which carries the tagline 'Misogny. I Mock it.' — noted an 'experiment' in which a woman found less discrimination by creating a Reddit username that is 'obviously male.'
So it was a bit of a loaded question when Reddit user 478nist kicked things off on Wednesday night by asking 'Why is Reddit so anti-women?':
I used to think it was just because the large majority of users are men, but it's not pro-men it's becoming more and more anti-women.
Outside of the friendzoned crap, any comment that leans towards any kind of talk of womens issues, equal rights etc gets downvoted to hell so it's not even capable of being discussed. It seems like it's an US vs THEM mentality more and more. Was it always like this?
In the last 24 hours, this thread has been anything but downvoted, as its attracted 361 (and counting) upvotes. So, what gives, Reddit? One of the main themes in responses is pretty heavy on the stereotypes: guys on Reddit are lonely virgins who don't date:
A lot of guys on reddit are bitter because they view women as having an easier time in areas redditors tend to struggle in.
For example, whenever dating/forever alone/losing your virginity comes up a lot of guys can't believe that a women could ever have problems in this area. They think girls just have to stand there and they will have a line of perfect guys come running.
I think a lot of it stems from this belief. 'Why is it so easy for them and so hard for me?'
Another user, in addition to citing the angry, girlfriend-less guy example, argued that it's just okay to be sexist:
My second guess is that it's still acceptable to be sexist in society. Accuse someone of being racist, and people take that seriously. Sexist? Few will blink an eye, no matter how bad it is. I feel like the trend might be on the rise, especially in America. Some of the big women's health debates recently have included comparing women to farm animals, and calling women who use birth control pills to sluts. A lot of the people who were upset by this were told that they were 'too sensitive'. And it's not just men, women do shit like that too.
Throughout the thread users spoke out about their experiences being a woman — especially an identifiable one, on the site. One user wrote:
I've read lots of awesome bright women leaving this site because they just want to unwind and read but they deal with harrassment and stalking and it's bad enough in real life. Where can a girl get away from the bullshit regarding what's in my skirt? I'm a person too.
Another explained that she tries to avoid mentioning her gender:
I'm a girl, no idea. I've noticed it, and generally try to keep my gender out of comments unless it's relevant to the conversation (like now, for instance). I hate the way many (not all, but many) male commentors [sic] have a weird mentality of 'Girls always friendzone me' + 'OMG OAG' + 'Why are all these bitches so stupid' + 'TITS or GTFO'. And I'm obviously oversimplifying this immensely, but my point is that as a woman on reddit you are either expected to be a sexual object or a coldhearted bitch. I wish it weren't so much that way, because I fucking love reddit.
Women who commented in gaming threads explained they got what essentially boils down to the 'booth babe' treatment, which Katie J.M. Baker explained yesterday on Jezebel. Girls who appear to be interested in video games are viewed as attention grabbers. (Real booth babes, Baker explains, 'are paid models, not groupies.')
A commenter in the most recent thread claimed to have done something similar. The new username chosen: SomeGuyWithABoner. That poster wrote:
I'm actually a chick. I had a female name and was harassed to no end; berated and belittled for any opinion I held. Now I'm just one of the guys(with a boner for heh) and it's so refreshing. I am also married, so I comment using my husbands perspective. It is a shame I need to resort to this, but it works and I can openly express any opinion or make jokes without people being assholes.
Reddit Forever Alone Dating Videos
Internet anonymity is often regarded as a bad thing. Jimmy Kimmel's segment wherein celebrities read mean tweets about themselves was partly aimed at exposing how horrible people can be when they have the veil of the Web to protect them. We can only assume (and, mostly, hope!) that sexist Redditors might tone down their sexism if their full identities were out in the open. But in these cases for women anonymity actually provided reverse protection.
In the confusing universe of Reddit not all is bad — the videos are still funny, the news still newsy — but this thread, which has produced some thought provoking comments, shows how the site's underbelly can be so capable.